LaplandUK

Without Thanksgiving to look forward to, the holiday season gets underway a bit earlier in Britain than in the States. And every year thousands of Brits invade Lapland in Northern Finland to soak up the festive atmosphere of the mythical homeland of Father Christmas. But it's expensive, freezing cold and bad for the environment (since people often just fly out for the day).

So, a few years ago, some bright-spark had the idea of recreating Lapland in the UK by temporarily transforming a patch of Kentish forest into THIS PLACE complete with reindeer, elves, a toy factory, an ice rink and Father Christmas. And it's cheaper than flying to the real thing too - but only just!

Our journey started in a giant series of teepees and dark tunnels where the kids got special elf passports so they could "enter the world of the elves for one magical day" (queue copious Boy's Team eye-rolling).

Next we followed a gang of elves down a secret forest pathway until we came to a big, impenetrable, wooden door. And it was here where I think we completely lost Boy's Team, mainly because the elves did that thing that all irritating entertainers do when they're A) trying to stall for time or B) trying to whip up enthusiasm. They asked us all to say a Magical Rhyme to help the door to Lapland open but, because we weren't good enough the first time, they made us do it again. And again. And AGAIN! And if they caught anyone shirking they'd make them stand on a log in front of everyone and do it by themselves. Ugh.

Eventually we said the rhyme with enough enthusiasm to get the magical door to open onto a snowy Lapland scene complete with traditionally dressed Sámi-style guides.

I have to hand it to the team behind the decorations at this place - they did a great job.

Next we were ushered into a lovely little log cabin to work with the elves in the Toy Factory.









Tabitha loved helping to put together the wooden rocking horses.











Dakota, who was technically supposed to be in the kid's group, abstained. He was the only kid over the age of eight in the entire place! But he was sweet to come along for his sister's sake - even if he did retreat into iPod world for half the time!

See how much fun Mr. Scrooge and The Grinch were having in the Toy Factory! Heehee. I think it was just a case of too much Christmas spirit too soon for these boys!





Then it was off to another cute log cabin to help Mother Christmas decorate gingerbread cookies.

My hips almost didn't make it through this entrance!












Mother Christmas told the children a gingerbread story.












Then they all got to decorate gingerbread men. Dakota didn't mind doing THIS activity with the kids. Anything involving food. He's ALWAYS hungry.













Then Edward dared Dakota to ask Mrs Claus if she knew the Muffin Man!


There was £5 in it for him...








...but he still chickened out!


Next came the Food Hall where we ate a yummy, hot lunch. The food was less "Lapland" and more "UK" - and a good thing too because people in Lapland eat reindeer! Poor ol' Rudolph!





After lunch we had a wander around the village.















We visited the Post Office where Tabs drew a picture of a reindeer and posted it to Father Christmas.










The little brat elbowing in on Tabby's photo plagued us (and the poor guy in the reindeer outfit) all day long! Push off blondie!













While we were walking around Tabs spotted quite a few kids with cuddly husky dogs. She gave us her best pleading eyes until we promised to have a look in the gift shop at the end. The girl has a serious addiction to cuddly toys!











Then it was time for the main event - seeing the big guy himself!

One of the elves guided our family down a long maze of pathways through a thick Christmas tree forest...












...until we reached a snowy log cabin.
















At this point Dakota put on a Santa hat and suddenly transformed into Mr. Festive. Whether it was the hat or because he finally had food in his belly or because we had a cute elf guide, I'll never know, but from here on out he seemed to enjoy LaplandUK.





When we got inside Father Christmas warmly invited Tabitha and Dakota to sit next to him.

He was a really nice guy with a great sense of humor. He spent AGES talking to the kids and making it all really personal. At first he pretended Dakota was on the naughty list but, when he saw how horrified Tabitha was, he put him back on the nice list.


For Tabitha, seeing Father Christmas was pure magic! He "knew" all about her and asked how ballet was going and told her he knew she was great at drawing and reading. He even asked how her friends Naomi and Eva were! Then, as if he knew her dearest wish, he reached into his big bag and pulled out a cuddly husky dog! Tabitha couldn't believe it! How did he know just what she wanted?! She was awestruck.


Then Santa turned to Dakota to ask about his juggling, his guitar, being a goalie on the football team and how his friend Shabba was doing! Dakota doesn't actually have a friend named Shabba - Edward and I just thought we'd throw Mr. Loverman into the mix as a little joke! But Dakota played it cool and didn't even seem phased! Drat! But Dakota did name his husky Shabba. Tabitha named hers Christmas Wishes!


After seeing Father Christmas we went ice skating. I wasn't going particularly fast but still seem to have acquired a wind-feathered hairdo nonetheless!













Dakota's pretty good on the ice - but still not good enough to beat me! He insisted that we race once around the rink but failed to lay down clear ground rules so got schooled by an old lady! He claims I cheated. All I can say is that skating around the Christmas tree in the center is still, technically, going once AROUND the rink!








It was Tabitha's first time ice skating but she did great. Only fell over once. Not too shabby for a four year old.














Last we visited the Sámi Village...












...where we got to meet the reindeer...
















...and the huskies.
















We skipped listening to a Sámi story in the teepee and left a half an hour early (the whole experience is suppose to take four hours).


It was lucky we did because it started raining just as we hit the parking lot.




Tabitha was still glowing from her magical experience with Father Christmas the whole ride home. When I asked what she thought of LaplandUK she only had one word for it, "FANTASTIC!!!" And she's already talking about going back again. Tomorrow.

Edward, on the other hand, was muttering, "Never again" and "CraplandUK" and "Bah! Humbug!" under his breath.

Dakota was divided. He seemed to love some bits and hate others.

Will I ever find an activity that can simultaneously amuse two adults, a little girl and a teenage boy?! I guess this is why most people don't leave a 10 year age gap between their kids! "Oh well," as my mom would say, "win some, lose some."

Mary, Pudsey, Mr Tumble & Herby

You know Christmas is on its way when they start handing out the parts for the nativity play. With no separation of church and state in the UK, nativity plays are pretty standard. In fact, all the grocery stores carry their own line of costumes to cope with demand. This year Tabitha landed the part of Angel Gabriel - again. At least we've already got the costume from last year!

Today was Children in Need day so all the kindergarten kids got to come to school in "fancy dress" for a charitable donation. Tabitha chose to dress as Mary. Grocery store costume to the rescue!


Then, after school, we went to the Build-a-Bear Workshop at the mall to make a Pudsey (the mascot for Children in Need).

Tabby chose her Pudsey...








...then had him stuffed (she wanted him extra soft).


She kissed a little red heart and made a wish "that all the poor children will not be poor".


They put the heart in Pudsey's chest and sewed him up.






Tabs gave Pudsey a good brushing...


...air-showered off his fluff...


...and he was finished!










Our mall, Bluewater, is one of the biggest shopping centers in Europe. So, because of this, it's more than just an ordinary mall, it's sort of a destination. They're always having big events, doing book signings, filming TV shows, etc.. It's also where Dakota and I ran our 2K last Spring.

Tonight's event was the Christmas light switch-on ceremony. There was a Christmas market, a parade, ice skating, bumper cars, a ferris wheel, fireworks, etc...

But we didn't care about any of that. The ONLY reason we went was for this man:

His name is Justin Fletcher (aka Mr Tumble) and he's Tabitha's all time favorite BBC character - EVER. Oh, who am I kidding, he's the whole family's favorite! The man has NO SHAME. None. He makes a complete dork out of himself on TV. You gotta love that! (Click HERE to see one of my favorite Mr. Tumble clips - the quality is appalling but you have to watch it to the end. Sorry in advance for the British sign language for "toilet"!) Unfortunately, we only got to see Justin from afar because the crowd was so huge!

But the night wasn't a total loss because, when we got home, we found this little guy on our front steps. We named him Herby. Awww. So sweet.

Manly Shampoo

Sick of always smelling like some kind of flower, herb or girly perfume, Dakota put his foot down last time I was shampoo shopping and insisted that we search for something a bit more manly.

But, to my surprise, there was NOTHING! Sure there were studly soaps and macho body washes but EVERYTHING in the shampoo department was girly in one way or another. Feminists rejoice - womyn have most definitely won the shampoo war! Men don't even get a choice anymore! The closest thing we could find was dandruff shampoo - that whole section was VERY manish. But it seemed a bit silly to buy medicated shampoo for a healthy scalp just because of its sporty packaging!

So I tried to persuade Dakota of the advantages of a metrosexual lifestyle but he was having none of it. So the search continued.

Eventually we settled on a cheap bottle of own-brand shampoo because of its plain packaging and manful color. But it turned out to be a lame, low-lather, tangle-inducing bottle of blue crud. I know because I tried it twice (I'm a slow learner). And, the thing is, we just don't have enough room in our house for products that can't justify their shelf space!

Luckily, the blue stuff is finally about to run out. I'm hoping Dakota won't be bothered. Maybe he'll just quietly move back to Aussie or Herbal Essences with the rest of us. I hope, I hope. Is it wrong to cultivate and encourage my son's feminine side just for the sake of a clutter-free bathroom?

Best McToy Ever!

When you think of those little plastic toys that come from McDonalds, words like tyrant, usurper or dictator probably don't immediately spring to mind. Yet, six months ago, Tabitha reached into her Happy Meal and pulled out a... Napoleon?!

The only thing she liked about Napoleon was his horse, which she promptly yanked out from underneath him. The poor guy was left to stand in this permanent, exhausting and, frankly, embarrassing looking squat.

We meant to throw him away but, like so many other things, he was chucked into my bottomless-handbag-of-no-return instead. It wasn't until weeks later, on our trip to Cornwall, that he finally resurfaced again. The kids and I felt a bit sorry for the squatty little despot, after all, it must have been pretty rough down there at the bottom of my handbag for so long.

He deserved a vacation!





So we took him on a picnic...
















And to the beach...































And all around Cornwall.















But the fun wasn't over when our trip to Cornwall ended - oh no! We took him to the Roman Baths in the lovely city of Bath...















And he just HAD to see Big Ben...


And Buckingham Palace, The Tower of London, Greenwich, Brighton, Stonehenge, Devon, Wales and The Peak District.









He was REALLY keen on National Trusting,












But he was USELESS at spotting Nessie at Loch Ness!

Still, he's been a pretty great little toy - for an absolute autocrat. In fact, Napoleon is dynamite! So I guess we'll keep him. We kinda have to now anyway because he has an intimate knowledge of the disastrous state of my handbag! I've threatened to flush him down the Waterloo if he tells!

Children in Need Concert

Edward and I have never been to a pop concert together... until tonight! And to make up for lost time Edward got us tickets to a mega-concert. It was a veritable smorgasbord of entertainment with 14 different acts, three famous comedians and two celebrity presenters!

The whole evening took place at The Royal Albert Hall and was in aid of the British charity Children in Need. Demand for tickets was so massive that you could only get them if your name came up in a lottery. Luckily ours did, but we were only allowed to buy two, so poor Dakota had to stay home and babysit for us. Best big brother ever!

When we got to The Royal Albert Hall people were arriving in chauffeured cars and sparkly dresses and there I was... in jeans. At least I wore high heels! As we stood in line we got chatting with two national news anchors. They came in handy later because they brazenly jumped the queue and, since we were in their group, we did too!

Once inside I was relieved to find thousands of people wearing jeans. Phew! The whole place was rigged up with cameras because the concert will be airing to 14 million people next week on Children in Need night. We'd never been to a televised event like this before and it was fascinating to see how they handled it. They had this hilarious warm-up guy who came out and told the audience how to behave on camera. When he told us all to take off our coats, he looked right at me... in my coat. Whoops!

They had to start the show out of sequence because one of the bands had to hurry across town to the Millennium Dome for their own gig. The warm-up guy said they'd edit it all together later then had us all pretend like the show was just beginning for the sake of TV. It was kinda funny being told when to give a big cheer and seeing an act start over again when they messed up and watching people read teleprompters and stuff. It was all contrived for the 14 million television viewers rather than the 4,500 of us who were actually there, but I'm not complaining, it was MUCH better to be there live!

All the performing acts were British but, having lived out here for so long, I'm not sure how many have actually made it in the States. Here was the line up:

• Sir Paul McCartney (pretty sure he's made it in the US)
• Dame Shirley Bassey (sang James Bond themes)
• Annie Lennox
• Leona Lewis
• Cheryl Cole
• Lily Allen
• Muse
• Take That
• Robbie Williams
• Dizzee Rascal
• Paolo Nutini
• Mika
• Snow Patrol
• Katherine Jenkins (opera singer) & Julian Lloyd Webber

Paul McCarney sang the last few songs and the grand finale was Hey Jude - my favorite Beatles song! Now I'll be able to tell my grandkids I saw one of the Beatles perform! He was fabulous - but ALL the acts were fabulous! It was a brilliant night. Best date night ever - thanks honey!

The Silver Spoon

I LOVE a good cookbook. I'm building up quite a collection - well, enough to merit a kitchen bookcase anyway. But I'm not actually a serious cook, I'm just a wannabe - so it's really all just gastroporn for me. And, though I love my gastroporn, I've just given every, single one of my Italian cookbooks to the charity shop. No, I haven't gone off Italian, it's still my favorite, I've just found the mother of all Italian cookbooks, so there's no need for anything else now. Granted, the new book is so big that I HAD to give up three or four old books to make space - but it was worth it!

It's called The Silver Spoon and it's been Italy's best-selling cookbook for over fifty years. This "bible of authentic Italian cooking" has only recently been translated into English and I'm LOVING it! My sister, who IS an excellent cook, has been using it too and has raved about every recipe she's tried.

This is how good it is: when I made the lasagna, Tabitha actually Cleaned. Her. Plate! If you know Tabitha, you'll know how HUGE this is. So I chucked out all my other books and will only use The Silver Spoon from now on.

This book also gave me the opportunity to claw back some dignity in The Great Lasagna Debate (CLICK HERE for the background story). Of the book's five lasagne recipes, only one includes ricotta cheese - but there IS one! So after traipsing all around Italy, testing lasagne for ricotta but only finding béchamel and having to concede a victory to Edward - I've finally redeemed myself! Edward's only response to my comeback was to say that ricotta is only in the "kooky" lasagne recipe (kooky because it includes ingredients like eggplant and pine nuts!).

The Silver Spoon is written in an all-purpose cookbook style which not only includes all the classic Italian stuff but also a ton of other ethnic recipes too (English bread and butter pudding, American-style eggs, French frog legs, etc). In fact, there are over 2,000 recipes!

Speaking of France, the French cookery bible just came out in English too. It's called I Know How to Cook. I bought this equally large cookbook too but haven't tried anything from it yet because I have 2,000 Italian recipes to get through first! The publisher, Phaidon, has also translated the Greek and Spanish cooking bibles as well but, you know, thousands of Italian recipes first...

So I'd better get cracking. But first things first, I need to get an ice cream maker for all the lovely looking gelato recipes!

Bonfire Night!

Tonight our village celebrated my favorite British holiday! I love everything about Bonfire Night (aka Guy Fawkes Night); dressing up in hats, scarves and wellies, going to the parade, eating yummy sausages, watching fireworks from the castle and burning the Guy Fawkes effigy on the bonfire. It's all good, clean family fun! Not that I have anything against Catholics, mind you.

Tabitha has always confused "Fawkes" with "Fox" and it's so adorable that we haven't had the heart to correct her. So, this year, when she heard Guy Fawkes Night was coming up she immediately grabbed a sheet of paper and drew this:

I was impressed with how much detail she'd remembered from last year's celebration (cage, loudspeaker) but she still put fox ears on Guy!

So, in keeping with the Fox theme, I decided to take the kids to the cinema to see Fantastic Mr. Fox. At least a dozen people walked out on the movie... but I LOVED it! I was laughing so hard that I embarrassed Dakota. I thought it was delightfully quirky and loads of fun! But I suppose it's hard for English people to see their beloved childhood books get the Hollywood treatment - especially since they usually Americanize everything except the baddies! Sad but true.

After the movie it was time to get ready for Bonfire Night. Every year our village releases 1500 advance tickets for the event (proceeds go to charity) and they're normally easy to get since there are only 1800 people in our village. But this year I couldn't get a ticket for love or money! That meant we were going to have to queue for ages! So in order to avoid this, we headed straight down to the farm gates at 6pm and watched the parade from there instead of the High Street.

When they carted Guy Fawkes past us and into the farm complex, the treasonous wretch turned to us and pleaded, "Good Citizens of Eynsford, will you see me die?!" But we just booed him and told him to die (as is the custom). And when I say "we", I mean "me". This caused more embarrassment for Dakota.

Then came the bonfire. It was HUGE, as always. To give you some perspective, check out the full size door in the bottom center of the fire.

Each year the local primary school children make the papier-mâché effigy of Guy Fawkes. It's lovely to get the kiddies involved in the mock execution process(!)







Next we had delicious sausage dogs, hand-made by our village butcher, Norman. Then came the fireworks, which are always shot off from the center of the Eynsford castle. The whole show is coordinated to music that's divided into two parts; cheese-ball instrumental versions of pop songs and classical/movie themes.

It's a pretty dang good show (except for the instrumental pop songs) for such a tiny village and I hope it never changes!




But I'm not so sure about that because I heard on the radio that Bonfire Night is on the wane. Apparently the old fashioned practice of asking for "a penny for the guy" is already basically extinct. And they say the sales of Bonfire Night paraphernalia (fireworks, etc.) is on a downward spiral while Halloween sales are rocketing. They blame the Americans. I don't know about that but I'd hate to see Bonfire Night go extinct! It's a great antidote in these political-correctness-gone-mad times!

After the fireworks it was time to go home.


I'd just like to congratulate Edward on an excellent sweater choice for his country's most patriotic holiday!!








The path back to our house goes past a 12th century church with a spooky old graveyard. As we were walking next to the graveyard Dakota was snapping photos left and right. When we got home and looked at them... they were freaky! Edward says it's just Dakota's breath but I think it looks like a ghost!!





We ended up with three ghosty photos in the end - and they were all taken near the graveyard!








The rest of the photos from the entire evening were completely normal. Weird!!

Disney on Ice: Princess Wishes

Tabitha and I just got back from an extremely girly night out at one of those Disneyfied ice shows. Having never been to one before, I had my reservations because, despite the fact that I'm getting girlier as I get older, I'm actually a tomboy at heart. I didn't know how I was going to get through two whole hours of puffy, pink, sappiness... on ice!

But, I have to admit, I loved the puff, I loved the pink and I loved the sap! Plus, the whole idea of combining genres (a play, a musical, a concert, fireworks, a sporting event, etc.) really appealed to the bargain hunter in me. Gotta get that value-for-money!

The whole night was meant to be a big surprise. My lovely friend Michelle and I had organized it all in advance. We took our girls out for dinner then told them we were taking them somewhere else for dessert. As we drove up to the massive Millennium Dome, Tabitha and Eva still thought we were just getting ice cream. But as we made our way to the entrance, Tabitha spotted a giant electronic flashing sign that said; "Disney on Ice: Princess Wishes!" so the cat was out of the bag. Dang that girl's early reading skills!

Luckily we managed to claw back some of the surprise by telling the girls that only kids dressed as princesses were allowed in to see the show. Our girls were in their normal clothes. Poor things, they stood there looking longingly at all the little girls in beautiful dresses filtering past security until we couldn't stand it anymore and told them to look in our bags. When they discovered their princess dresses, shoes and accessories they started jumping up and down and squealing in a pitch that only a dog could hear. Within a matter of minutes they were changed and ready to go!

From the second they sat down, the girls were in heaven! Eva settled quietly back into her seat then sat there awestruck for the rest of the evening! Tabitha, on the other hand, was literally on the edge of her seat for the entire performance - except whenever she was overcome with emotion (every 30 seconds) at which point she'd jump to her feet and dance or clap with joy. Edward insists this is her American exuberance coming to the fore!

The girls were loving the show so much that when they announced the intermission, Tabitha turned to me with pleading eyes and begged, "Please can we stay for the secondmission!"

We did stay for the secondmission but it was over all too soon. On the way home the girls wondered when we were stopping for that ice cream we'd promised them. Minds like steal traps! So we hit the drive-thru at M.C. Donalds (as Dakota would say).

It was a great girl's night out. The show was amazing. Especially the dangerous bits! I mean, don't these people realize that they've got deadly blades strapped to their feet when they're doing things like flipping people into the air, hanging from ropes and swinging girls around by their ankles?! They're really tough! Where they found so many tough male ice-dancers, I'll never know!

We all had a fantastic time and would gladly go again. And I might even be persuaded to wear something pink and puffy next time!

Lesson Learned

Even one black sock, however small, can have a devastating effect on a load of whites.

Halloween 2009

When I asked Edward what he was going to be for Halloween this year he responded with, "disapproving!"

That basically sums up the general British attitude towards Halloween despite the fact that they're the ones who invented the holiday in the first place! I kid you not, a substantial proportion of the population actually believes that Halloween is just another form of begging. They crack me up!



Luckily for me the US citizens technically outnumber the UK citizens in our house (if you count Tiki) so we celebrate Halloween the American way; BIG. I'm pretty sure the whole village thinks I'm nuts for decorating our house with skeletons, cobwebs and witches but I'll never give in to the English way! Just call me Braveheart!




So this year I only had a few hours to prep for Halloween because we were gallivanting about in the Peak District until the eleventh hour.

My biggest worry was finding a tail for Tabitha's black cat costume. I needed a no-skills-required based solution, but wasn't having any luck. Halloween resources are very limited in the UK. Edward and his sister suggested she go as a Manx cat but in the end I just duct taped some fuzzy, black yarn to the inside of her skirt. Classy!








I was also worried about the face painting because, usually, my attempts to paint Tabby's face end in tears. Looking on the bright side, I now know how to paint a spooky skeleton - even if it was a panda that I was originally aiming for!

But Tabby Cat seemed fairly pleased with my paint job, so all my worries were in vain.







Who I really should have been worrying about was Dakota. Too old for trick-or-treating this year, he dressed as Death and sprang out from behind the hedge at all the over-eights. Poor British kids, they're just not used to this kind of thing! There were piles of terrified trick-or-treaters screaming, crying and tripping over each other as they scrambled for the exit. There were vows never to return to our house again, a minor thumb injury and even a suspected bladder malfunction incident! As a consequence of him scaring off all the kids, we now have heaps of leftover candy. And I can't help wondering if Dakota had this result in mind all along. After all, he ended up with a MUCH bigger haul than he would've if he'd actually pounded the pavement like all the good little trick-or-treaters. We're gonna have to keep an eye on this one!


We spent the rest of the evening with our fabulous family friends carving pumpkins, laughing, trick-or-treating...











...bobbing for apples, watching X-Factor and eating a stodgy, frozen dinner because I didn't have time to plan or prepare something nice.










But the story doesn't end there. Two days after Halloween a few of the neighborhood kids came around for a chat. They all had their hoodies on backwards but I couldn't figure out why so I asked them. They lifted their hoods to cover their faces and told me that they were trying to be like Dakota on Halloween - but that it wasn't working and they kept running into stuff and hurting themselves! What the...?

Then the ten year old asked if I'd "told Dakota off" for his little Halloween stunt. I immediately regretted telling him that we'd all found it very entertaining because then he revealed his plans to do the exact same thing when he was Dakota's age! We're such a bad influence. Maybe people like us are the reason why Brits don't like Halloween!!

Witchy Women

My Mom was the creative inspiration behind this gorgeous trio. She used to whip up great stuff like this all the time. She's the most imaginative person I know. So a few years ago, in an attempt to recreate childhood memories, I asked/forced Edward and Dakota to help me put these frightful figures together - and I loved how they turned out! They're still among my favorite Halloween decorations to this day. They're so personal. And they're simple too - or I wouldn't have attempted them!

If you want to share my childhood memories too, you will need:

• Nylons for skin (I bought a pair of knee highs because who owns them?!)
• Stuffing for structure (cotton balls work)
• TP Tube for the body (ours are top-heavy so maybe a styrofoam cone instead)
• Cloth for clothing (we cut up a couple of faded black socks and some old polyester)
• Yarn/String for hair
• Buttons/Beads for eyes
• Needle & Thread to put it all together

Stuff a nylon then tease out the character's facial features by hand. Wind flesh colored thread around noses, warts and other protruding bits to help them keep their shape. Attach the head to the TP tube base then hand sew the mouth, hair, eyes and clothing anyway you like. It doesn't matter how crude the sewing is because it only adds to the witchy flavor!

PS - Dakota's (left), Edward's (middle), Daisha's (right)

The Peak District

Half-term again! Time for the kids and I to go on our annual holiday with Edward's sister, Eleanor. This year's destination was the Peak District - a beautiful National Park in the heart of the UK.

Day 1
We set out on Saturday morning, after Tabitha's ballet class, and stopped off at Warwick (pronounced War-ick) Castle along the way.

Warwick has got to be Britain's most Disneyfied castle. It's full of costumed actors, parades and castle-themed demonstrations (our favorite was the massive trebuchet fireball).






The castle was all decorated up for Halloween.











The spook alley was excellent.

















I need one of these in my yard!








I like to maintain a tough-mama image in front of the kids but, I have to admit, when I turned a dark corner and came face to face with a scary live actor... I screamed. And the sad thing was, he didn't even jump out at me or anything, all he said was, "Hello". Great!! The kids will never let me live this one down!




However frightened I may have been, it was nothing compared to the fear in Dakota's eyes when I asked him to accompany us to The Princess Tower. It was the girliest thing any of us had ever encountered... x10! Here's a description of the attraction:
Here lies the Princess Tower,
An enchanted place with magical power.
Fairy tales, princes and dressing up is the way,
Enter all princesses you’ll have a wonderful day
But it wasn't all bad because watching Dakota's reaction (a mixture of disbelief, pain and nausea) made for great entertainment! Seriously, he looked like he was choking on pink, frilly lace tied into double bows and sprinkled with My Little Pony glitter! At the end of the show all the little princesses were asked to write their heart's dearest desire in a magical wish book. Dakota wrote, "I wish I'd never come to this stupid Princess Tower. And I wish for an iPhone."

After Warwick we headed to Peak District but, by the time we got to the cottage we'd hired, it was dark - so we got a little lost. It didn't help that the place was located on a road that was CLOSED for repairs.

The cottage was cute but had horrible pre-Victorian Euro-plumbing. The shower had zero pressure. We ended up having to use a jug to wash our hair. And I had to buy some of that dry shampoo stuff too!

But at least there was a nice, cozy open fire - even if it did almost kill me when I accidentally threw a lighter in with a wad of paper. I got some sparks to the face when the thing blew but, luckily, my hair didn't catch fire - probably because it was too greasy. Stinkin' shower! I was a little annoyed that Dakota found the explosion the funniest thing ever! I'm going to have to work on that kid's sensitive side.

I took this photo of the cottage keys to prove to Americans that things like this do still exist.







Day 2
We started the day with a visit to Cromford Mill in the famous Derwent Valley. It's a World Heritage Site (along with places like the Egyptian Pyramids and the Acropolis in Athens) because it was the birthplace of the industrial revolution.





Next stop was the Crich Tramway Village. It's a painstakingly restored period village with old fashioned trams and a comprehensive tram museum. And, yes, it IS as dull as it sounds. The old signs in the trams were amusing though.






Moving swiftly along, we stopped to have a look at Haddon Hall. They filmed Jane Eyre here. It was LOVELY!














It's described as the most romantic house in Britain. I believe it!











Last stop of the day was the adorable town of Bakewell in the center of the Peak District. I LOVE Bakewell. And I love Bakewell tarts too. The town is famous for them. We bought one of each of the three varieties and took them back to the cottage for a serious taste test. The first pan to be emptied would win. The verdict:
1st - Bakewell Pudding (top left) Least attractive but most traditional. Very yummy and more-ish!
2nd - Iced Bakwell Tart (bottom right) Least traditional but most widely available. Delicious!
3rd - Bakewell Tart (top right) Traditional but a bit dry. Didn't finish the pan - not even after a week.

Day 3
Today we spent the entire day at Britain's largest theme park, Alton Towers. This was Dakota's choice. He's what we like to call a "rollercoaster bore". Even so, he very sweetly took some time out from the big-boy rides to go on a few kiddie rides with his little sister. Awww.





Eleanor was a great sport to tag along with us all day!












Here's Dakota on one of his insane rides. He's somewhere on the right:



Day 4
I really gotta get one of these contraptions for the kids!



Eyam is a quaint little village with an amazing history. We visited the local museum and here's what I gathered: Back in 1665 when the Black Plague was sweeping through Europe, a tailor from the tiny village of Eyam ordered a box of cloth from London and got more than he bargained for - it came with the plague!




Here's a photo of the original plague cottage.

When the 350 villagers realized they had the plague they isolated themselves with a self-imposed quarantine. I don't even think they allowed doctors in. People from the surrounding area would bring food to the outskirts of town and leave it for the poor villagers but, sadly, only 83 people survived. Talk about self sacrifice!







Just outside the village we visited the Riley Graves where, in 1666, Mrs Hancock buried her husband and six children all within the space of a week! So sad.








After Eyam we needed cheering up. What better than a factory tour?! So we headed to a local Cutlery Factory. It was only a DIY tour but it was still pretty interesting. Dakota stayed in the car. He was having a teenage moment. Or maybe he'd had his fill of factory tours - if that's even possible!! Anyway, when we got back to the car Tabitha said, "Dakota, there were loads of teenage girls and YOU missed them!" In fact, there weren't any teenage girls whatsoever but the girl is her father's daughter and can't let an opportunity like that pass!




The last stop of the day was Castleton, an adorable little town famous for its caves.












This one is called "The Devil's Arse!"















We went down an old flooded lead mine for a spooky, claustrophobic boat ride. Believe me when I say that this tunnel is a lot smaller than it looks.






It was lucky we all had hard hats on because the only one of us who didn't bash their head was Tabs.






Day 5
We kicked off the day with a visit to Arbor Low. They call it the Stonehenge of the North - but these stones have a much more relaxed approach to life.






Next up was Chatsworth. I've wanted to visit this stately home for AGES and, evidently, so has everyone else because it was PACKED! When Jane Austen wrote Pride & Prejudice she was staying in the Peak District and used Chatsworth as her model for Pemberley, Mr. Darcy's house. They even filmed the Kiera Knightly version of Pride & Prejudice at Chatsworth. Here's Tabs in front of the dress that Kiera wore in another movie they filmed here, The Duchess.

And here's Tabs dressing up as a Duchess herself:








Tabitha painstakingly followed the kid's Halloween quiz trail all around the house but was slightly disappointed when the prize ended up being a glimpse of a signed Harry Potter broomstick. Whoop-de-do! She much preferred the adventure playground and farmyard.



Day 6
Today we dropped Dakota off for another day at Alton Towers while we took a scenic drive through Dovedale (famous Compleat Angler fishing spot) and up through Castleton again.













We also drove through Chesterfield where we caught a glimpse of the famous crooked spire. They say it's crooked because the devil wrapped his tail around the spire but the real story has to do with unseasoned wood and a poorly supported understructure.









Day 7
Today we visited two villages...
1) The lovely village of Tissington, famous for well dressing (the practice of decorating wells with flower-based pictures as an offering of thanks for never running dry). Obviously, it's the off-season here.

2) Longnor was adorable. They used it as the set for Lambton in the excellent BBC version of Pride & Prejudice. Can you spot a theme developing here!

And two grand houses...
1) Hardwick Hall was a bit spooky, smelly and absolutely FILLED with tapestries.








2) Sudbury Hall was used for the interior scenes of BBC's Pride & Prejudice. Yes, I'm obsessed! It also had a really great Museum of Childhood. Dakota stayed in the car again. His stately home upper limit had been reached! Heehee.

Then it was time to go home. What a great trip to a LOVELY area of Britain. We'll definitely be back.

A Few of My Favorite Things... Household Appliances

You know how Goldilocks goes around trying out all kinds of stuff that doesn't work or keeps breaking down on her? That's how it's been for me from the day I became responsible for buying my own household appliances. The whole experience has been a vicious cycle of disappointing performance, frustrating breakdowns, useless repairmen and more lame products.

But fairy tales have happy endings so, luckily, Goldilocks finally discovers the perfect thing, at which point she exclaims, "Ahhhh, just right"? And, like Goldilocks, I've finally found a few products that have ended the nightmarish guessing game and given me that "Ahhhh, just right" moment.

1. Anything Bosch
The longer I live, the more I'm convinced to buy German. And Bosch is my favorite brand for appliances. Every time I replace something with a Bosch, I never have to worry about it again. I can personally vouch for their dishwashers, drills, lawn mowers, dryers, hand mixers, boilers, etc... I never want to use anything else.

2. Henry the Vacuum
Like my parents before me, I've been cursed with bad vacuums. I'm not sure why since I don't use mine four times a day or as a ride-on toy for the kids like they do but, nevertheless, I'm cursed! At best, my vacuums only ever last until just after the warranty expires. I'd say they sucked, but that would be giving them too much credit. Then one day, after a bit of research, I decided to try Henry, the cult vacuum. They're always using him in schools and businesses out here, so I figured he was pretty tough - and he is! It was a little weird converting from an upright to a canister, I've always loathed canisters, but I soon got use to it and even prefer it on bare floors. Now Henry's a part of the family!


3. Electric Kettles
I can't imagine life without an electric kettle now that I've owned one. I'd never even seen one before moving out here, but I don't think there's a single house in the British Isles without one. In fact, when we toured an electricity plant in Wales a few years back they said they had to set aside extra power for big surges in kettle use after popular TV programs ended!! Electric kettles are mainly used to boil water for tea but I use mine for a million things. Boiling water the old fashioned way is so... old fashioned!

Local Doorways

As a perma-tourist in Britain I'm always oohing and ahhing over things I find quaint (The Brits hate it when Americans use that word). At the moment I'm finding doorways quaint. So, recently, and at the risk of looking like a stalker, I've been taking stealthy iPhotos of cute doorways in our area. Here's a little sample:

I think a Hobbit left the Shire to set up housekeeping here. Even Tabitha would have to worry about smacking her head on this one. To give you some perspective, the top of the picket fence doesn't even reach the top of my hip!











Another low doorway.
















And another.
















Just how short were people in the olden days anyway?!















I suppose if you have to live in a pink house, a black door looks a little less sissy.














Edward thinks what this house really needs is a few flowers to jazz it up.














As it says, this is "The House With Two Front Doors" (click to enlarge)












I love a bold front door. Such a British trademark.

















And red is my favorite.

The Pink Binder

Edward and I try to keep the kids guessing. We like to think the element of surprise gives us an edge. Punishments are a particularly enjoyable aspect of this parenting style because they give us a chance to get really creative. It's especially fun with our teenager. So much so that it's almost hard to wait until he re-offends!

Dakota's misbehavior regularly results in adorable little things like orange peelings being put between his sheets, having to watch camp musicals with Girl's Team, having to give a round of foot rubs and, recently, being forced to attend the Angelina Ballerina ballet in London!

The other day Dakota made the mistake of being too teenagery on the very day I was supposed to purchase him a new binder for his business studies class. Bad move. I came home from the store with a cheeky grin and a bright pink stripey binder.

With NO other option, off he went next morning with what was basically a big pink kick-me target under one arm. As he left I congratulated myself for thinking up such a clever, cute and character building scheme. It was bound to be the punishment that kept on punishing - especially at an ALL BOYS school!

When he got home I could hardly contain my delight as I asked him about his day. But there was no sign of emotional scarring, no tail between his legs. In fact, he didn't even seem to get what I was driving at. I had to ask specifically about the binder. But everyone was FINE with it! What the...?! Apparently, the only comments he got were:
1)"That's cool!"
2)"Where'd you get that? I want one!"

Curses! Foiled! I forgot to factor in the inherent coolness of counter-culturalism. Guess the joke's on me.