Tonight our village celebrated my favorite British holiday! I love everything about Bonfire Night (aka Guy Fawkes Night); dressing up in hats, scarves and wellies, going to the parade, eating yummy sausages, watching fireworks from the castle and burning the Guy Fawkes effigy on the bonfire. It's all good, clean family fun! Not that I have anything against Catholics, mind you.
Tabitha has always confused "Fawkes" with "Fox" and it's so adorable that we haven't had the heart to correct her. So, this year, when she heard Guy Fawkes Night was coming up she immediately grabbed a sheet of paper and drew this:
I was impressed with how much detail she'd remembered from last year's celebration (cage, loudspeaker) but she still put fox ears on Guy!
So, in keeping with the Fox theme, I decided to take the kids to the cinema to see Fantastic Mr. Fox. At least a dozen people walked out on the movie... but I LOVED it! I was laughing so hard that I embarrassed Dakota. I thought it was delightfully quirky and loads of fun! But I suppose it's hard for English people to see their beloved childhood books get the Hollywood treatment - especially since they usually Americanize everything except the baddies! Sad but true.
After the movie it was time to get ready for Bonfire Night. Every year our village releases 1500 advance tickets for the event (proceeds go to charity) and they're normally easy to get since there are only 1800 people in our village. But this year I couldn't get a ticket for love or money! That meant we were going to have to queue for ages! So in order to avoid this, we headed straight down to the farm gates at 6pm and watched the parade from there instead of the High Street.
When they carted Guy Fawkes past us and into the farm complex, the treasonous wretch turned to us and pleaded, "Good Citizens of Eynsford, will you see me die?!" But we just booed him and told him to die (as is the custom). And when I say "we", I mean "me". This caused more embarrassment for Dakota.
Then came the bonfire. It was HUGE, as always. To give you some perspective, check out the full size door in the bottom center of the fire.
Each year the local primary school children make the papier-mâché effigy of Guy Fawkes. It's lovely to get the kiddies involved in the mock execution process(!)
Next we had delicious sausage dogs, hand-made by our village butcher, Norman. Then came the fireworks, which are always shot off from the center of the Eynsford castle. The whole show is coordinated to music that's divided into two parts; cheese-ball instrumental versions of pop songs and classical/movie themes.
It's a pretty dang good show (except for the instrumental pop songs) for such a tiny village and I hope it never changes!
But I'm not so sure about that because I heard on the radio that Bonfire Night is on the wane. Apparently the old fashioned practice of asking for "a penny for the guy" is already basically extinct. And they say the sales of Bonfire Night paraphernalia (fireworks, etc.) is on a downward spiral while Halloween sales are rocketing. They blame the Americans. I don't know about that but I'd hate to see Bonfire Night go extinct! It's a great antidote in these political-correctness-gone-mad times!
After the fireworks it was time to go home.
I'd just like to congratulate Edward on an excellent sweater choice for his country's most patriotic holiday!!
The path back to our house goes past a 12th century church with a spooky old graveyard. As we were walking next to the graveyard Dakota was snapping photos left and right. When we got home and looked at them... they were freaky! Edward says it's just Dakota's breath but I think it looks like a ghost!!
We ended up with three ghosty photos in the end - and they were all taken near the graveyard!
The rest of the photos from the entire evening were completely normal. Weird!!
Tabitha and I just got back from an extremely girly night out at one of those Disneyfied ice shows. Having never been to one before, I had my reservations because, despite the fact that I'm getting girlier as I get older, I'm actually a tomboy at heart. I didn't know how I was going to get through two whole hours of puffy, pink, sappiness... on ice!
But, I have to admit, I loved the puff, I loved the pink and I loved the sap! Plus, the whole idea of combining genres (a play, a musical, a concert, fireworks, a sporting event, etc.) really appealed to the bargain hunter in me. Gotta get that value-for-money!
The whole night was meant to be a big surprise. My lovely friend Michelle and I had organized it all in advance. We took our girls out for dinner then told them we were taking them somewhere else for dessert. As we drove up to the massive Millennium Dome, Tabitha and Eva still thought we were just getting ice cream. But as we made our way to the entrance, Tabitha spotted a giant electronic flashing sign that said; "Disney on Ice: Princess Wishes!" so the cat was out of the bag. Dang that girl's early reading skills!
Luckily we managed to claw back some of the surprise by telling the girls that only kids dressed as princesses were allowed in to see the show. Our girls were in their normal clothes. Poor things, they stood there looking longingly at all the little girls in beautiful dresses filtering past security until we couldn't stand it anymore and told them to look in our bags. When they discovered their princess dresses, shoes and accessories they started jumping up and down and squealing in a pitch that only a dog could hear. Within a matter of minutes they were changed and ready to go!
From the second they sat down, the girls were in heaven! Eva settled quietly back into her seat then sat there awestruck for the rest of the evening! Tabitha, on the other hand, was literally on the edge of her seat for the entire performance - except whenever she was overcome with emotion (every 30 seconds) at which point she'd jump to her feet and dance or clap with joy. Edward insists this is her American exuberance coming to the fore!
The girls were loving the show so much that when they announced the intermission, Tabitha turned to me with pleading eyes and begged, "Please can we stay for the secondmission!"
We did stay for the secondmission but it was over all too soon. On the way home the girls wondered when we were stopping for that ice cream we'd promised them. Minds like steal traps! So we hit the drive-thru at M.C. Donalds (as Dakota would say).
It was a great girl's night out. The show was amazing. Especially the dangerous bits! I mean, don't these people realize that they've got deadly blades strapped to their feet when they're doing things like flipping people into the air, hanging from ropes and swinging girls around by their ankles?! They're really tough! Where they found so many tough male ice-dancers, I'll never know!
We all had a fantastic time and would gladly go again. And I might even be persuaded to wear something pink and puffy next time!
When I asked Edward what he was going to be for Halloween this year he responded with, "disapproving!"
That basically sums up the general British attitude towards Halloween despite the fact that they're the ones who invented the holiday in the first place! I kid you not, a substantial proportion of the population actually believes that Halloween is just another form of begging. They crack me up!
Luckily for me the US citizens technically outnumber the UK citizens in our house (if you count Tiki) so we celebrate Halloween the American way; BIG. I'm pretty sure the whole village thinks I'm nuts for decorating our house with skeletons, cobwebs and witches but I'll never give in to the English way! Just call me Braveheart!
So this year I only had a few hours to prep for Halloween because we were gallivanting about in the Peak District until the eleventh hour.
My biggest worry was finding a tail for Tabitha's black cat costume. I needed a no-skills-required based solution, but wasn't having any luck. Halloween resources are very limited in the UK. Edward and his sister suggested she go as a Manx cat but in the end I just duct taped some fuzzy, black yarn to the inside of her skirt. Classy!
I was also worried about the face painting because, usually, my attempts to paint Tabby's face end in tears. Looking on the bright side, I now know how to paint a spooky skeleton - even if it was a panda that I was originally aiming for!
But Tabby Cat seemed fairly pleased with my paint job, so all my worries were in vain.
Who I really should have been worrying about was Dakota. Too old for trick-or-treating this year, he dressed as Death and sprang out from behind the hedge at all the over-eights. Poor British kids, they're just not used to this kind of thing! There were piles of terrified trick-or-treaters screaming, crying and tripping over each other as they scrambled for the exit. There were vows never to return to our house again, a minor thumb injury and even a suspected bladder malfunction incident! As a consequence of him scaring off all the kids, we now have heaps of leftover candy. And I can't help wondering if Dakota had this result in mind all along. After all, he ended up with a MUCH bigger haul than he would've if he'd actually pounded the pavement like all the good little trick-or-treaters. We're gonna have to keep an eye on this one!
We spent the rest of the evening with our fabulous family friends carving pumpkins, laughing, trick-or-treating...
...bobbing for apples, watching X-Factor and eating a stodgy, frozen dinner because I didn't have time to plan or prepare something nice.
But the story doesn't end there. Two days after Halloween a few of the neighborhood kids came around for a chat. They all had their hoodies on backwards but I couldn't figure out why so I asked them. They lifted their hoods to cover their faces and told me that they were trying to be like Dakota on Halloween - but that it wasn't working and they kept running into stuff and hurting themselves! What the...?
Then the ten year old asked if I'd "told Dakota off" for his little Halloween stunt. I immediately regretted telling him that we'd all found it very entertaining because then he revealed his plans to do the exact same thing when he was Dakota's age! We're such a bad influence. Maybe people like us are the reason why Brits don't like Halloween!!
My Mom was the creative inspiration behind this gorgeous trio. She used to whip up great stuff like this all the time. She's the most imaginative person I know. So a few years ago, in an attempt to recreate childhood memories, I asked/forced Edward and Dakota to help me put these frightful figures together - and I loved how they turned out! They're still among my favorite Halloween decorations to this day. They're so personal. And they're simple too - or I wouldn't have attempted them!
If you want to share my childhood memories too, you will need:
Nylons for skin (I bought a pair of knee highs because who owns them?!)
Stuffing for structure (cotton balls work)
TP Tube for the body (ours are top-heavy so maybe a styrofoam cone instead)
Cloth for clothing (we cut up a couple of faded black socks and some old polyester)
Yarn/String for hair
Buttons/Beads for eyes
Needle & Thread to put it all together
Stuff a nylon then tease out the character's facial features by hand. Wind flesh colored thread around noses, warts and other protruding bits to help them keep their shape. Attach the head to the TP tube base then hand sew the mouth, hair, eyes and clothing anyway you like. It doesn't matter how crude the sewing is because it only adds to the witchy flavor!
Half-term again! Time for the kids and I to go on our annual holiday with Edward's sister, Eleanor. This year's destination was the Peak District - a beautiful National Park in the heart of the UK.
Day 1 We set out on Saturday morning, after Tabitha's ballet class, and stopped off at Warwick (pronounced War-ick) Castle along the way.
Warwick has got to be Britain's most Disneyfied castle. It's full of costumed actors, parades and castle-themed demonstrations (our favorite was the massive trebuchet fireball).
The castle was all decorated up for Halloween.
The spook alley was excellent.
I need one of these in my yard!
I like to maintain a tough-mama image in front of the kids but, I have to admit, when I turned a dark corner and came face to face with a scary live actor... I screamed. And the sad thing was, he didn't even jump out at me or anything, all he said was, "Hello". Great!! The kids will never let me live this one down!
However frightened I may have been, it was nothing compared to the fear in Dakota's eyes when I asked him to accompany us to The Princess Tower. It was the girliest thing any of us had ever encountered... x10! Here's a description of the attraction: Here lies the Princess Tower, An enchanted place with magical power. Fairy tales, princes and dressing up is the way, Enter all princesses you’ll have a wonderful day But it wasn't all bad because watching Dakota's reaction (a mixture of disbelief, pain and nausea) made for great entertainment! Seriously, he looked like he was choking on pink, frilly lace tied into double bows and sprinkled with My Little Pony glitter! At the end of the show all the little princesses were asked to write their heart's dearest desire in a magical wish book. Dakota wrote, "I wish I'd never come to this stupid Princess Tower. And I wish for an iPhone."
After Warwick we headed to Peak District but, by the time we got to the cottage we'd hired, it was dark - so we got a little lost. It didn't help that the place was located on a road that was CLOSED for repairs.
The cottage was cute but had horrible pre-Victorian Euro-plumbing. The shower had zero pressure. We ended up having to use a jug to wash our hair. And I had to buy some of that dry shampoo stuff too!
But at least there was a nice, cozy open fire - even if it did almost kill me when I accidentally threw a lighter in with a wad of paper. I got some sparks to the face when the thing blew but, luckily, my hair didn't catch fire - probably because it was too greasy. Stinkin' shower! I was a little annoyed that Dakota found the explosion the funniest thing ever! I'm going to have to work on that kid's sensitive side.
I took this photo of the cottage keys to prove to Americans that things like this do still exist.
Day 2 We started the day with a visit to Cromford Mill in the famous Derwent Valley. It's a World Heritage Site (along with places like the Egyptian Pyramids and the Acropolis in Athens) because it was the birthplace of the industrial revolution.
Next stop was the Crich Tramway Village. It's a painstakingly restored period village with old fashioned trams and a comprehensive tram museum. And, yes, it IS as dull as it sounds. The old signs in the trams were amusing though.
Moving swiftly along, we stopped to have a look at Haddon Hall. They filmed Jane Eyre here. It was LOVELY!
It's described as the most romantic house in Britain. I believe it!
Last stop of the day was the adorable town of Bakewellin the center of the Peak District. I LOVE Bakewell. And I love Bakewell tarts too. The town is famous for them. We bought one of each of the three varieties and took them back to the cottage for a serious taste test. The first pan to be emptied would win. The verdict: 1st - Bakewell Pudding (top left) Least attractive but most traditional. Very yummy and more-ish! 2nd - Iced Bakwell Tart (bottom right) Least traditional but most widely available. Delicious! 3rd - Bakewell Tart (top right) Traditional but a bit dry. Didn't finish the pan - not even after a week.
Day 3 Today we spent the entire day at Britain's largest theme park, Alton Towers. This was Dakota's choice. He's what we like to call a "rollercoaster bore". Even so, he very sweetly took some time out from the big-boy rides to go on a few kiddie rides with his little sister. Awww.
Eleanor was a great sport to tag along with us all day!
Here's Dakota on one of his insane rides. He's somewhere on the right:
Day 4 I really gotta get one of these contraptions for the kids!
Eyam is a quaint little village with an amazing history. We visited the local museum and here's what I gathered: Back in 1665 when the Black Plague was sweeping through Europe, a tailor from the tiny village of Eyam ordered a box of cloth from London and got more than he bargained for - it came with the plague!
Here's a photo of the original plague cottage.
When the 350 villagers realized they had the plague they isolated themselves with a self-imposed quarantine. I don't even think they allowed doctors in. People from the surrounding area would bring food to the outskirts of town and leave it for the poor villagers but, sadly, only 83 people survived. Talk about self sacrifice!
Just outside the village we visited the Riley Graves where, in 1666, Mrs Hancock buried her husband and six children all within the space of a week! So sad.
After Eyam we needed cheering up. What better than a factory tour?! So we headed to a local Cutlery Factory. It was only a DIY tour but it was still pretty interesting. Dakota stayed in the car. He was having a teenage moment. Or maybe he'd had his fill of factory tours - if that's even possible!! Anyway, when we got back to the car Tabitha said, "Dakota, there were loads of teenage girls and YOU missed them!" In fact, there weren't any teenage girls whatsoever but the girl is her father's daughter and can't let an opportunity like that pass!
The last stop of the day was Castleton, an adorable little town famous for its caves.
This one is called "The Devil's Arse!"
We went down an old flooded lead mine for a spooky, claustrophobic boat ride. Believe me when I say that this tunnel is a lot smaller than it looks.
It was lucky we all had hard hats on because the only one of us who didn't bash their head was Tabs.
Day 5 We kicked off the day with a visit to Arbor Low. They call it the Stonehenge of the North - but these stones have a much more relaxed approach to life.
Next up was Chatsworth. I've wanted to visit this stately home for AGES and, evidently, so has everyone else because it was PACKED! When Jane Austen wrote Pride & Prejudice she was staying in the Peak District and used Chatsworth as her model for Pemberley, Mr. Darcy's house. They even filmed the Kiera Knightly version of Pride & Prejudice at Chatsworth. Here's Tabs in front of the dress that Kiera wore in another movie they filmed here, The Duchess.
And here's Tabs dressing up as a Duchess herself:
Tabitha painstakingly followed the kid's Halloween quiz trail all around the house but was slightly disappointed when the prize ended up being a glimpse of a signed Harry Potter broomstick. Whoop-de-do! She much preferred the adventure playground and farmyard.
Day 6 Today we dropped Dakota off for another day at Alton Towers while we took a scenic drive through Dovedale (famous Compleat Angler fishing spot) and up through Castletonagain.
We also drove through Chesterfield where we caught a glimpse of the famous crooked spire. They say it's crooked because the devil wrapped his tail around the spire but the real story has to do with unseasoned wood and a poorly supported understructure.
Day 7 Today we visited two villages... 1) The lovely village of Tissington, famous for well dressing (the practice of decorating wells with flower-based pictures as an offering of thanks for never running dry). Obviously, it's the off-season here.
2) Longnor was adorable. They used it as the set for Lambton in the excellent BBC version of Pride & Prejudice. Can you spot a theme developing here!
And two grand houses... 1) Hardwick Hall was a bit spooky, smelly and absolutely FILLED with tapestries.
2) Sudbury Hall was used for the interior scenes of BBC's Pride & Prejudice. Yes, I'm obsessed! It also had a really great Museum of Childhood. Dakota stayed in the car again. His stately home upper limit had been reached! Heehee.
Then it was time to go home. What a great trip to a LOVELY area of Britain. We'll definitely be back.
You know how Goldilocks goes around trying out all kinds of stuff that doesn't work or keeps breaking down on her? That's how it's been for me from the day I became responsible for buying my own household appliances. The whole experience has been a vicious cycle of disappointing performance, frustrating breakdowns, useless repairmen and more lame products.
But fairy tales have happy endings so, luckily, Goldilocks finally discovers the perfect thing, at which point she exclaims, "Ahhhh, just right"? And, like Goldilocks, I've finally found a few products that have ended the nightmarish guessing game and given me that "Ahhhh, just right" moment.
1. Anything Bosch The longer I live, the more I'm convinced to buy German. And Bosch is my favorite brand for appliances. Every time I replace something with a Bosch, I never have to worry about it again. I can personally vouch for their dishwashers, drills, lawn mowers, dryers, hand mixers, boilers, etc... I never want to use anything else.
2. Henry the Vacuum Like my parents before me, I've been cursed with bad vacuums. I'm not sure why since I don't use mine four times a day or as a ride-on toy for the kids like they do but, nevertheless, I'm cursed! At best, my vacuums only ever last until just after the warranty expires. I'd say they sucked, but that would be giving them too much credit. Then one day, after a bit of research, I decided to try Henry, the cult vacuum. They're always using him in schools and businesses out here, so I figured he was pretty tough - and he is! It was a little weird converting from an upright to a canister, I've always loathed canisters, but I soon got use to it and even prefer it on bare floors. Now Henry's a part of the family!
3. Electric Kettles I can't imagine life without an electric kettle now that I've owned one. I'd never even seen one before moving out here, but I don't think there's a single house in the British Isles without one. In fact, when we toured an electricity plant in Wales a few years back they said they had to set aside extra power for big surges in kettle use after popular TV programs ended!! Electric kettles are mainly used to boil water for tea but I use mine for a million things. Boiling water the old fashioned way is so... old fashioned!
As a perma-tourist in Britain I'm always oohing and ahhing over things I find quaint (The Brits hate it when Americans use that word). At the moment I'm finding doorways quaint. So, recently, and at the risk of looking like a stalker, I've been taking stealthy iPhotos of cute doorways in our area. Here's a little sample: I think a Hobbit left the Shire to set up housekeeping here. Even Tabitha would have to worry about smacking her head on this one. To give you some perspective, the top of the picket fence doesn't even reach the top of my hip!
Another low doorway.
And another.
Just how short were people in the olden days anyway?!
I suppose if you have to live in a pink house, a black door looks a little less sissy.
Edward thinks what this house really needs is a few flowers to jazz it up.
As it says, this is "The House With Two Front Doors" (click to enlarge)
I love a bold front door. Such a British trademark.
Edward and I try to keep the kids guessing. We like to think the element of surprise gives us an edge. Punishments are a particularly enjoyable aspect of this parenting style because they give us a chance to get really creative. It's especially fun with our teenager. So much so that it's almost hard to wait until he re-offends!
Dakota's misbehavior regularly results in adorable little things like orange peelings being put between his sheets, having to watch camp musicals with Girl's Team, having to give a round of foot rubs and, recently, being forced to attend the Angelina Ballerina ballet in London!
The other day Dakota made the mistake of being too teenagery on the very day I was supposed to purchase him a new binder for his business studies class. Bad move. I came home from the store with a cheeky grin and a bright pink stripey binder.
With NO other option, off he went next morning with what was basically a big pink kick-me target under one arm. As he left I congratulated myself for thinking up such a clever, cute and character building scheme. It was bound to be the punishment that kept on punishing - especially at an ALL BOYS school!
When he got home I could hardly contain my delight as I asked him about his day. But there was no sign of emotional scarring, no tail between his legs. In fact, he didn't even seem to get what I was driving at. I had to ask specifically about the binder. But everyone was FINE with it! What the...?! Apparently, the only comments he got were: 1)"That's cool!" 2)"Where'd you get that? I want one!"
Curses! Foiled! I forgot to factor in the inherent coolness of counter-culturalism. Guess the joke's on me.
On our walk home from lunch at a local pub we stopped by our village park to enjoy the autumn sunshine. We had the place to ourselves so Tabby stayed in the playground while Edward and I tried to kick a football past Dakota in goal.
It was all going well until Tabitha announced that she needed the loo - and it was "desperate".
With nowhere else to go we had to resort to the bushes on the perimeter of the park. Once she'd finished we looked up and found a mother and small child standing just feet away, staring in disgust. Luckily, they were much too English to say anything.
I wanted to explain but, instead, I just burst into laughter - it's my default.
I have my mom to thank for this entire situation - both laughing at inappropriate times and freestyle outdoor weeing!
But, come on, it's not like Tabs was weeing IN the playground or anything. And they did sneak up on us. And she's learned a new life skill. And ammonia is a major ingredient in fertilizer - right?
Tabby was noticing how she, Daddy and Dakota all have curly hair and gaps in their front teeth but that I don't. She turned to me, sympathetically stroked my cheek and said, "But that's OK, I still love you anyway!"
The whole faux "Boy's Team vs. Girl's Team" rivalry we have going on in our house seems to have created an early feminist in Tabs. So much so that she's recently announced that she's going to marry a girl because "boys stink!" Worried that our games were turning her into a man-hater, lately I've been trying to big-up men. To assess our progress I asked her which Disney prince she'd prefer to marry. "He's in Beauty and the Beast," she began, "but it's not the prince." I breathed a sigh of relief here because he's the worst prince! In fact, my sisters and I used to laugh about how we'd rather have the beast back instead. Plus, he wasn't actually a nice guy at his core, and we all know you can't change a guy - no matter what the fairy tales say! So then I asked if she was talking about Gaston but, luckily, she said she didn't like him because of his "weird double chin". I think she meant "cleft chin". But then, with a serious look in her eye, she said, "Actually, it's Maurice - Belle's father!" My jaw dropped in shock. She watched my reaction with pleasure then suddenly burst into fits of laughter. The girl was having me on the whole time! You just don't expect this kind of stuff from a four year old. I forget how sophisticated her sense of humor is! She's definitely her Daddy's daughter.
In kindergarten Tabitha announced that she was going to show everybody her bare bottom! The teachers were shocked but before they could put a stop to it she'd already turned around, lifted her skirt and fulfilled her promise! Luckily it was only the "bear" on the bottom of her Gap tights! Sigh of relief.
On the way out the door I remembered to grab something that Tabs forgot and she was shocked that I'd caught her out. I pronounce myself a "memory machine" to which she responded, "I don't mean to be mean mom, but you're really not!"
Tabitha's Autumnal Theory: "The blowing wind comes and it makes the trees have a cold and then the trees sneeze and all their leaves fall off."
After blackberrypicking Tabby and I were eating the spoils on the drive home. We were supposed to be passing the small Tupperware container of berries back and forth but Tabs was enjoying the treat too much to share. Then suddenly, in what I assumed was an attack of guilt, she angelically offered me the rest. I said I'd have them if she was sure she was finished. She said she was and kindly passed the container forward but...it was EMPTY! She watched silently as I looked into the empty container then roared with laughter over duping me! She has a wicked sense of humor. I love it!
I was getting Tabby ready to go out and asked her if I could borrow her feet so I could put on her shoes. Just before finishing she said in a sad, little voice, "I miss my feet." I was confused. "You asked if you could borrow my feet and now I want to have them back. I need them for a sleepover!"
My neighbor recently went on a trip to Cornwall where she sadly lost her purse. But when she got home a package arrived that contained the missing purse! Someone had found it, discovered her address, boxed it up and mailed it off - all without a thought of what they were getting out of it.
That same week, while on a shopping expedition in Scotland, Tabitha lost the cuddly cow her Great Granny had given to her. Dakota and Edward scoured the store but came up empty handed. Tabs was in tears until we discovered that it hadn't been taken, it had been turned in. It was just sitting on the counter of the customer service desk waiting for her to retrieve it. She was ecstatic!
There are a lot of good people out there.
A couple of years ago when my sister Melanie came to visit, we took the kids to a popular park a couple of villages away and accidentally left her son's stroller there. Yes, I know, I know, but we were too busy talking to notice! In fact, we were so busy talking that we didn't notice for DAYS! When we did finally did notice, four or five days later, we didn't think we'd have a hope of finding the thing again. But, just in case, we drove down to check and...there it was! It was a little sun-faded but it was still there!
And this kind of stuff happens to me all the time. Heaven knows how many times I've left shampoo, towels, flip flops, etc behind at the gym - but every single item has been returned to me. I realize that people don't exactly aim to steal sweaty jog bras but still... the world is a good place and that makes me happy.
Another thing that makes me happy is passing our tiny village shop every morning on the walk to Tabby's school. Its delivery of bread comes way before the place actually opens so the bread just sits out there in the open, every morning, unprotected. And no one ever touches it. I find this especially amazing considering it's right next to the teenager's bus stop! Lovely. Like a ray of sunshine on a crud day.
So, honest people of the world, I salute you! Keep on scattering that sunshine!
Every once in a while Edward and I have a playful discussion about who we'd invite for a Fantasy Dinner Party. Here, in no particular order, is our Living-People Guest List (don't even get me started on our Dead-People list):
Sir David Attenborough (Naturalist, BBC broadcaster)
Michael Palin (Actor, author, comedian)
Steven Fry (Actor, comedian, author)
Dame Judi Dench (Actress)
Barack Obama
Simon Cowell (Ruthless judge)
Bill Bryson (Author)
Dawn French (Comedian, actress)
The Queen (Prince Harry if she's otherwise engaged)
Oprah
Jeremy Clarkson (Controversial car enthusiast)
Banksy (Semi-anonymous artist)
Boris Johnson (Bumbling Mayor of London)
Ian Hislop/Paul Merton (Hilarious B list TV personalities)
Bill Nye (Science guy)
Jack Black (Actor)
Larry David (actor, writer)
Any surviving cast member from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
Gordon Ramsey could cook and Coldplay could provide background music.
It's a work in progress and changes monthly but I think we have a nice mix of possibles.
Yesterday I got to meet one of our possibles, Michael Palin, in the flesh. He was doing a book signing at the mall. I've never asked anyone for an autograph before and, to be honest, I felt like a dork but he was very gracious and polite.
The only annoying thing was that Tabby and I had to stand in line for over an hour to see him! We were number 111 out of 150 people. The only thing that kept me going was my fervent love of Monty Python.
Edward's been a lifelong fan of Michael Palin so I asked that the book be dedicated to him. I thought it'd make a good Christmas present. Unfortunately I'm rubbish at keeping secrets from my husband so the cat was out of the bag in less than 24 hours.
As he was signing the book I told him he was on our fantasy dinner guest list and said I wanted to come down and meet him in person to see if we'd get along. He was very sweet and said he thought I'd probably be a great cook. I told him I wasn't but that it didn't matter since it was only a virtual dinner anyway. He gave me a courtesy laugh then kindly thanked us for coming and said goodbye to Tabitha, who ignored him completely.
After meeting him in person I'm pretty sure I'd keep him on our guest list. Drat! I'm supposed to be narrowing it down. We've only got four spare seats, and that's if we squeeze!
The Lanyons are an English/American family with all kinds of useless nonsense to report from their home in the UK. They maintain that their blog is an attempt to keep faraway friends & family up on all the hot Lanyon gossip – but the truth of the matter is that it's just a public family journal. We don’t guarantee quality or consistency, however, we are prepared to guarantee plenty of spelling and grammatical errors.
EDWARD LANYON
A dashing British chap, biscuit* lover and family man extraordinaire. Eloquent, articulate and full of irresistibly witty comments. Devoted father and husband, a terrific writer and voracious reader. An anglophile* with a particular fondness for Cornwall, tea, Dairy Milk* and chocolate dipped battenbergs*. Lover of home comforts, nursery food* and politics. Plays snooker*, has a great singing voice, is unbeatable at Boggle and finds badgers amusing. Knows his way around a computer, is into film and Formula 1 and has a faux love of danger. A fabulous cook who’s perfected scrambled eggs, Sunday lunch* and chimichangas. Faults include his shockingly large collection of cords/wire/electric miscellany, his love for McDonalds and his annoying lack of faults. Sensible and clever with a devilish sense of humor - the perfect English gentleman.
DAISHA LANYON
A feisty American mom of two, list obsessive and celebrator of all holidays great and small. Adventurous, fiercely competitive and always up for a road trip. Hiker, camper, scuba diver and picker of blackberries. Unbeatable at wii bowling, an avid board-game player and crazy about making home movies. Loves the “theatre”, films and Skyping her sisters. Often unsuccessful, but always keen, to cook, be a tour guide and win battle-mode Singstar (rare). Love/hates building websites, adores a good story and will try nearly anything once. Loves rambling in wellies* and is a fan of English Heritage* and The National Trust*. Faults include being an insufferable winner (with her annoying victory song and dance), hyper-tourism and her shameful unfamiliarity with an iron. Devoted to her family, forever exploring the world and always up for a laugh – that’s our Daisha.
DAKOTA LANYON
14 year old climber of trees, doer of good deeds and all round entertainer. A world traveller, lover of good food and the best big brother around. Always thoughtful, polite and funny - a real favorite in the village. Wears a uniform to an all-boys school where his class-clown reputation is developing nicely. Surprisingly independent, he loves to discover and explore. Juggler, snorkeler, cricket player, golfer and general adventure seeker. A regular in scouts, army cadets and the kitchen (loves cooking). Looks forward to weekends, reading the latest thriller/horror/adventure book and playing video games. Faults include eating all but ONE of Daddy's biscuits, a fondness for doing stunts and a fervent love of wearing pyjamas (all day long if allowed). Extremely funny, cute and smart - an all round lovely boy.
TABITHA LANYON
Four year old singer, strawberry picker and snuggler extraordinaire. Lover of Battenberg* cake, the color orange and spotty animals. A self-confessed girly-girl and mommy’s little helper. A sucker for craft projects, bubbles, cuddly toys and her big brother. Looks forward to ballet lessons, kindergarten and playdates with her best friend Eva. Will ONLY wear dresses, can color for hours and always insists upon two bedtime stories a night. Adores tea parties, staying up late and drawing with felt tipped pens. Faults include stealing Daddy’s chocolate biscuits, a penchant for My Little Pony and being a terrible cheat at thumb wrestling. Curly headed, cuddly and completely irresistible. Our little English rose.
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland may be its official title, but most people just call it Britain or the UK (the same way we call the United States of America, America or the US). Technically, calling it the UK is probably more accurate because “Great Britain” doesn’t actually include N. Ireland. The UK is made up of four separate state-like areas; England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. The total area for the entire country is smaller than Oregon, however its population is 60 million (USA = 300 million) so it’s pretty packed. I realize these little factoids may seem a bit patronizing but not one of the dozens of Americans to visit us has ever really fully understood this stuff (and neither did I when I first arrived) but we are Americans after all!
*British-American Dictionary
At the request of our readers we've devised this fool-proof translation page so that people will quit thinking that "anglophile" is something perverted!
*Anglophile = One who LOVES everything English (Anglo) *Baps = Round bread rolls and a nickname for...er...breasts *Battenberg Cake = A fancy checkered sponge cake wrapped in marzipan and eaten with tea. *Biscuit (or Bicky) = A cookie, or sometimes a cracker. *Bonfire Night = The 5th of November, Guy Fawkes Night or Bonfire Night is when the Roman Catholic "Guy (Guido) Fawkes" tried, unsuccessfully, to blow up the Houses of Parliament in the gunpowder plot of 1605. He was hung, drawn and quartered for his punishment. But this nasty blood and guts story has a happy ending because now it's a fun family holiday with fireworks, fun and bonfires burning effigies of Guy all over the British countryside! *Candy Floss = Cotton candy. *Chips = Thick French fries. They're served with everything out here - including lasagna! *Costume Dramas = A period piece in which elaborate costumes, sets and properties are featured in order to capture the ambience of a particular era. *Cream Tea = Tea with a combo of scones, clotted cream and jam. If you haven't tried it you're missing out on one of life's great pleasures. *Crisps = Chips *Dairy Milk = Yummy British chocolate (sadly, the American version is made by Hershey's - ugh!) *Dodgy = Dubious, shifty, not right. *English Heritage = "English Heritage exists to protect and promote England's spectacular historic environment and ensure that its past is researched and understood." *Football = Soccer *Ice Lolly = Popsicle *Half Term = A week-long vacation halfway through the school term. There are three per year. *Hoodies = A hooded sweatshirt or menacing boys who wear their hoods up for anonymity. *Kentish = From Kent. Kent is a county is England famous for its oast houses, castles and being the "garden of England". Cities you may have heard of in Kent include Canterbury (Cathedral or Chaucer's Tales), Dover (white cliffs), Chatham & Rochester (Charles Dickens), Royal Tunbridge Wells (Georgian spa town) and Eynsford, of course (where the Lanyons live). *Knackered = Tired or worn out. *Knickers = Girl's underwear *Loo = Toilet *Mac = Raincoat *Morris Dancers = English folk dancers wielding sticks and handkerchiefs! *Nappies = Diapers *National Trust = "The National Trust protects special places in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, for ever, for everyone." *Nursery Food = Comfort kiddie food like fish fingers & chips *Paddling = Wading *Pancake Day = Also known as Shove Tuesday. It's the day before Lent (traditionally, forty-something days of austerity before Easter). They call it "pancake day" because in the olden days people would use up all their nice ingredients (eggs, sugar, etc) on the day before the fast by making pancakes (British pancakes are more French than American – so crepe-like) . Most people in Britain still have pancakes on this day - but more for tradition than anything. *Pants = Underwear, esp. for boys *People Carrier = Mini-Van *Petrol = Gasoline *Pram = Stroller *Pudding = Dessert, as in "what's for pudding?" *Rucksack = Backpack *Scrummy = Delicious! (Combo of scrumptious and yummy – I'm guessing) *Sledge - Sled *Snooker = Similar to American pool, but more complicated and difficult *Sprog = Child *Sunday lunch = A traditional British meal consisting of meat (usually roast beef or chicken), roast potatoes, two veg and gravy. Often includes sides like Yorkshire pudding, bread sauce, sausages or roast parsnips. Edward’s roast potatoes are the best! *Sweets = Candy *Ta = Thanks *Torch = Flashlight *Treacle = Syrup made during sugar refining. Used in puddings/tarts. *Trolley = Shopping cart *Trousers = Pants (they don't say "pants" because that means "underwear") *Wellies = Green rubber rain boots (named after the Duke of Wellington)
Tabitha has always confused "Fawkes" with "Fox" and it's so adorable that we haven't had the heart to correct her. So, this year, when she heard Guy Fawkes Night was coming up she immediately grabbed a sheet of paper and drew this:
After the movie it was time to get ready for Bonfire Night. Every year our village releases 1500 advance tickets for the event (proceeds go to charity) and they're normally easy to get since there are only 1800 people in our village. But this year I couldn't get a ticket for love or money! That meant we were going to have to queue for ages! So in order to avoid this, we headed straight down to the farm gates at 6pm and watched the parade from there instead of the High Street.
Then came the bonfire. It was HUGE, as always. To give you some perspective, check out the full size door in the bottom center of the fire.
Next we had delicious sausage dogs, hand-made by our village butcher, Norman. Then came the fireworks, which are always shot off from the center of the Eynsford castle. The whole show is coordinated to music that's divided into two parts; cheese-ball instrumental versions of pop songs and classical/movie themes.
But I'm not so sure about that because I heard on the radio that Bonfire Night is on the wane. Apparently the old fashioned practice of asking for "a penny for the guy" is already basically extinct. And they say the sales of Bonfire Night paraphernalia (fireworks, etc.) is on a downward spiral while Halloween sales are rocketing. They blame the Americans. I don't know about that but I'd hate to see Bonfire Night go extinct! It's a great antidote in these political-
correctness-gone-mad times!
The path back to our house goes past a 12th century church with a spooky old graveyard. As we were walking next to the graveyard Dakota was snapping photos left and right. When we got home and looked at them... they were freaky! Edward says it's just Dakota's breath but I think it looks like a ghost!!
We ended up with three ghosty photos in the end - and they were all taken near the graveyard!
I was also worried about the face painting because, usually, my attempts to paint Tabby's face end in tears. Looking on the bright side, I now know how to paint a spooky skeleton - even if it was a panda that I was originally aiming for!
Moving swiftly along, we stopped to have a look at 
Yesterday I got to meet one of our possibles, Michael Palin, in the flesh. He was doing a book signing at the mall. I've never asked anyone for an autograph before and, to be honest, I felt like a dork but he was very gracious and polite.
